The end of the week was like a viewing of a train wreck on the news (you know the whole saying and how it goes...) Well anyway, it was interesting to say the least. Thursday, I came to notice that I hate the beginning of the day when we have to pick up the kids from school the worst. For one, since we lost one of our bus drivers we have to sit at the school for a whole hour or more with 30+ kids antzy and craving activeness of some sort while us counselors are trying to keep track of all of them in an open location at the same time trying not to draw attention to us and the unruly children we are "watching" from other teachers and administrators.
Well, there's one child that particularly likes to push my buttons. I don't get it, if it's experience or just a tone in their voice, but other counselors do not seem to have as much trouble as I do with the "wild bunch" of the lot. Well this child, I'll call him Loki, likes to see how far he can go and I swear he loves to argue with me. I'm sure he'l make a lot of money as a lawyer if someone doesn't strangle him before the age of 11. Well Thursday seemed like any other da waiting for the bus, Ms. S had them by the playground at the school playing silent speed ball when she tolled Loki to "Go sit down!" I watched come over, and I thought he was doing as she asked so I turned to glance at other children playing. The next thing I know, Loki is up and running around with a giant Tubberwear lid and running back towards the playground. I yelled "Loki give me the lid and please have a seat." With a smirk on his ugly child face and squinted eyes he shook his head no, almost shaking off his backwards Hurley hat on the ground. "What do you mean 'No'? I asked you to sit down now go sit down." grabbed the lid and he struggled a bit but let go then took off towards Ms. S and the playground. "Loki I thought I told you to sit down. Go." Yelled Ms. S. "Loki come here and sit down." I echoed her frustration. "O, just call his mom. Her numbers on the clip-board." Ms. S casually called to me audible enough for Loki to hear. A sudden aura of amazement came across me, at the same time as a sudden 'Oh Shit" look flooded onto Loki's. I was overwhelmed with a break-through of Yes! I forgot...at one (well a couple) touch we can control their behavior with a threatening call to the parent. I go the clip board and started looking for the form with his parent's number on it. He came over to me and with a hint of hatred and matter-of-fact tone in his voice said, "You're a mean counselor." "How am I mean?" "Because you are. You're bad." "Oh because I asked you to do something and you didn't do it? Because you don't listen?" "You're just mean and a bad counselor." "Please tell me how I'm mean." A that moment a sudden and abrupt, forceful "SIT DOWN" interrupted our argument from Ms. S. At that moment I knew I made a crucial mistake...getting into an argument with a nine year old. I probably played right into his little trap of trying to get me flustered. I suppose kids at that age would say anything to get out of trouble and a little prick-headed pain in the ass delinquent and future prison 'bitch' like this kid would say something cold-hearted and mean instead of something like "oh I'm sorry I won't do it again" that I usually get. So I continued to fumble through the pages while I watched him take a seat on the wall and put his opened backpack over his head. I found the number and weighed the options to myself. Do I call, or do I fake call and let him suffer all day wondering what awaits him at home? Do I want to use a phone call home on something as meaningless as not listening and driving me crazy? Or should I save it for something like killing bunny rabbits and kicking puppies?
So I decided to make the fake call. I got out my cell phone and while glancing at the paper typed the number in my phone and placing the phantom call. I stood up with the phone to my ear and paced back and forth to make the gesture that much more believable. When I saw Loki was staring at me anymore I put the cell phone and away and went about my duties. Force unruly child into seclusion with threat phone call to parent/guardian...check. I must say I was rather please with myself on how that all played out. Ms. S came over and jokingly asked "Is he trying to commit suicide?" With a quick glance in Loki's direction who still had his head emerged in his backpack. "I 'spose he thinks it's the best way to go." We both chuckled and I informed her of my fake calling abilities. Then a sudden realization came upon me. How many times can I fake call a parent before the child catches on and realizes they're being duped? Loki's going to know that I didn't call his mom as soon as she comes to get him later today. At that moment, as with many other moments, I knew I had to find a way of controlling these kids without getting an instant migraine and grabbing for my precious hair. Something I'll have to work on.
Well the day continued with bits of fury and anguish, kids being misbehaving, unruly (my favorite to describe them) lying little brats. But somehow you get through the day and for some reason you come back. I feel I've notice that why I haven;t quit yet or actually look forward to work is because it certainly is not boring. It may be a struggle every once and again, but not nearly as hard as landscaping and it's more fun and interesting far beyond the mundane typical ass treatment you get as a sales clerk or manager of a ski shop. It's not too bad, especially now that I've warmed up to some of the other counselors and they've embraced me a lot better these days, well most of them anyway.
But back to the other drama...the day is going on but then all of a sudden as I'm walking the kids out to the playground Ms. S comes up the hall all flustered and a "bitch"look on her face and chip on her shoulder muttered something along the lines of "this is bullshit, I'm out of here." I was on the walkie and not really paying attention, but was still caught off guard by her attitude. I turned and was like "What?" she kept walking so I didn't think much of it until I got out to the playground where someone said "S just quit." Whhhaaaaaa?! why? I instantly remembered the packed with myself and not indulging on gossip and drama, so I clammed up and tried to go about my business. Mr. T came out and I had to asked, "What's up with S?" "I donno...there's always so much drama...'always drama in the LBC. It's hard being Snoop D-O_ double G...'" I chimed in with the rest of the rap as we chuckled. What I love about guys they turn the drama right around to something comical...for the most part. So I let it go at that point and figured Yeah...cheerleader girl drama. Not my style.
As I showed up to work the next day for another shift in the dungeon and as I was grabbing my whip and torch (hehe) I wasn't bit surprised to see Ms. S walk through the doors in her normal spirits of "I rule this place"I gathered bits and pieces of what went down the previous day with tales of dropping the F-bomb in front of the boss in a criticizing demeanor; the boss calling her at home; saying "I'm getting so trashed! It's gonna be awesome" but then not following through, so I understood at that point that perhaps Ms. S is a lot of talk, though she did have the guts to walked out...for a brief stint but returned a few minutes later after cooling down and the the next day. Granted she did in fact put in her 2 weeks so I notice so I suppose it wouldn't have mattered too much in the long run, but perhaps she was going for a more dramatic exit this time; seeing as how this isn't the first or even second time she's quit at this place. Well the ended with me in a headache of course, dreading the instant the next child would try to defy my authority especially since I was left up front at the end of the day with the boss standing 10 feet from me no doubt watching my every move. Until she muttered those heavenly chocolate-like words of "O. You can go ahead and go." Acting concerned and pleasurable I said "Are ya sure?" "Yeah go ahead." "Ok" SEE YA!
I stepped out with strut in my step as I headed to the my 3rd workout of the day (surfing and battling children 1 & 2 respectively). Aw man...It's Friday. But I still can't deny the growing threat in the back of my mind. T is leaving in a week or two and S is leaving too. This means that at some point in the near future I am going to be alone with these children undoubtedly trying to manage them myself or with someone new...ouch. Oh child care how it solves so much...for the parent of unruly children...
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Salt Mines...
The mines seem to ease and the put the pressure back on. Yesterday apparently I was suppose to be there an hour early because of this new 'early release' the schools are doing for the teachers. I didn't realize it was every Wednesday so I was running late. But after I got there, there were apologies from Ms. M about forgetting to let me know. I didn't really care honestly I was just worried I was going to be on the boss's bad side, but things seem to be fine...in that area.
The kids are so...temperamental? They love you one day and then defy your very existence the next. It drives me crazy how inconsistent they are with their feeling and attitudes and behavior in general. Things are starting to get a bit better with the other counselors, though I still feel like I'm walking on eggshells here and there, but now the trick is 'ruling' the kids without being a tyrant. Last week a parent came in complaining about Mr. T being too 'hard' on the kids, constantly yelling and being beyond rude, but mean. I wanted to say, he can be that way but at the same time, have you met your kids?! I ended up not commenting on the matter, because for the most part it wasn't directed towards me and I'm in this mind-set that I'm going to keep my ears out of what's going on, or not necessarily my ears, but my opinions out of the matters of drama in the work place. I think I've learned in the past about getting involved in petty drama, rumors, and work-place 2-facing. But I suppose I'm not going to ignore it if it comes my way...I just vow not to repeat in...in the work place....
However, my questions regarding certain situations are beyond my curiosity control and expressions. So last week, I found out that Ms. S, who has emerged to me as the matriarch of the whole group - even the boss, CAN NOT stand Ms. J - who is one of the nicest people there I feel and is really goo with the kids. Ms. S must have had a vendetta get Ms. J because she went to the boss and told her Ms. J was doing terrible with the older kids and that she should be moved to the youngest group of kids. And what else happened, but that exact thing. I've learned this from the newest addition to the team, Ms. Ma, besides me who is in the the same group as Ms. S and is regurgitating the evidence to me about how corrupt this place is. Ms. S is quoted word for word by saying "I have Ms. I wrapped around my finger, and if I don't want to do something or if I don't like something she'll do what I want." So I guess that's what happened with Ms. J, however, my issue with that is that previously I knew that Ms. J was with the older kids and got moved, but the way Ms. J told it to me was that her and Ms. Ma (who worked with her with the older kids at the time) did not get along and that's why she was moved. I didn't ask the details of the situation, except for the obvious undeniable question of 'why didn't you get along?' Ms. J merely shrugged and said "I donno", So I got the feeling that Ms. Ma had the 'problem' with Ms. J and not the other way around. But after speaking with Ms. Ma, she seems have no such issue with Ms. J and that it appears that either Ms. I didn't have the back bone to tell Ms. J the truth, hinting at the fact that she (Ms. I) doesn't really believe that Ms. J was doing a horrible job with the older kids and came up with the "next best" excuse of Ms. Ma not getting along with Ms. J. Or it could be the fact that they really didn't get along and Ms. Ma was trying to pin me against others and team with her. Point is though, from the beginning of when I worked there and Ms. Ma warned me of the 2-facing going on within the team, and she's right. I've heard it from almost everybody talking bad about somebody else. But for now I'm comfortable with the situation I've put myself in. I keep to myself for the most part not indulging in the chit chat gossip that goes on. If someone happens to tell me their issues/secrets I'll listen give a little advice or consoling without giving mine or my expressed opinion on the matter. It seems to be working for now. A few times people have come to me saying this about someone and that about someone. I simply listen and give a neutral opinion/advice on the matter and move on.
I was actually proud of myself the other day when Ms. S asked me if Ms. Ma drove me crazy. of course a red flag went up and I was on the caution alert n my mind. I said "well she's so thorough with everything, and I'm so laid back 'like whatever', so I probably drive her crazy. haha. Why does she drive you crazy?" and she told me the few issues she has with Ms. Ma. I was like score! I turned that right around! And vowed to myself not to repeat what Ms. S had told me to anyone else in the work place about Ms. Ma.
Well, I'm just taking it day by day and seeing how things go. I actually do like the job, but somedays you feel like you just took 5 steps back with the kids. You gain progress in getting them to listen and then 2 days later they're testing you again. Another issue is the boss lady. She's so unorganized and that's the only person I find I need to bite my tongue from saying something bad about her and her lack of organizational skills and absent-mindedness. I try to go with it and ask Ms. M, who's been there the longest (6 years), what's going on or what I need to do. At first she was a little intimidating and I thought she hated me but she came around and she's actually pretty cool. I feel a lot more comfortable when she's around.
I just have to keep telling myself that this job looks good on a resume and it's money. But at the same time I'm not learning what I had hoped to learn from Ms. I or the others. They all seem so nonchalant about their jobs like it's simply a job. Maybe it's because they've been there for so long and it's just mundane day after day some 'ol boredom or they really don't care. But either way I hope I don't get that way. I want to engage with the kids, provide a place for them to excel and learn useful information such as respect, politeness, manners...needed information that isn't really pushed to the head of the list. There's a lot o inconsistencies with todays education providers and day care centers, but hopefully it's still a way to get my foot in the door...
The kids are so...temperamental? They love you one day and then defy your very existence the next. It drives me crazy how inconsistent they are with their feeling and attitudes and behavior in general. Things are starting to get a bit better with the other counselors, though I still feel like I'm walking on eggshells here and there, but now the trick is 'ruling' the kids without being a tyrant. Last week a parent came in complaining about Mr. T being too 'hard' on the kids, constantly yelling and being beyond rude, but mean. I wanted to say, he can be that way but at the same time, have you met your kids?! I ended up not commenting on the matter, because for the most part it wasn't directed towards me and I'm in this mind-set that I'm going to keep my ears out of what's going on, or not necessarily my ears, but my opinions out of the matters of drama in the work place. I think I've learned in the past about getting involved in petty drama, rumors, and work-place 2-facing. But I suppose I'm not going to ignore it if it comes my way...I just vow not to repeat in...in the work place....
However, my questions regarding certain situations are beyond my curiosity control and expressions. So last week, I found out that Ms. S, who has emerged to me as the matriarch of the whole group - even the boss, CAN NOT stand Ms. J - who is one of the nicest people there I feel and is really goo with the kids. Ms. S must have had a vendetta get Ms. J because she went to the boss and told her Ms. J was doing terrible with the older kids and that she should be moved to the youngest group of kids. And what else happened, but that exact thing. I've learned this from the newest addition to the team, Ms. Ma, besides me who is in the the same group as Ms. S and is regurgitating the evidence to me about how corrupt this place is. Ms. S is quoted word for word by saying "I have Ms. I wrapped around my finger, and if I don't want to do something or if I don't like something she'll do what I want." So I guess that's what happened with Ms. J, however, my issue with that is that previously I knew that Ms. J was with the older kids and got moved, but the way Ms. J told it to me was that her and Ms. Ma (who worked with her with the older kids at the time) did not get along and that's why she was moved. I didn't ask the details of the situation, except for the obvious undeniable question of 'why didn't you get along?' Ms. J merely shrugged and said "I donno", So I got the feeling that Ms. Ma had the 'problem' with Ms. J and not the other way around. But after speaking with Ms. Ma, she seems have no such issue with Ms. J and that it appears that either Ms. I didn't have the back bone to tell Ms. J the truth, hinting at the fact that she (Ms. I) doesn't really believe that Ms. J was doing a horrible job with the older kids and came up with the "next best" excuse of Ms. Ma not getting along with Ms. J. Or it could be the fact that they really didn't get along and Ms. Ma was trying to pin me against others and team with her. Point is though, from the beginning of when I worked there and Ms. Ma warned me of the 2-facing going on within the team, and she's right. I've heard it from almost everybody talking bad about somebody else. But for now I'm comfortable with the situation I've put myself in. I keep to myself for the most part not indulging in the chit chat gossip that goes on. If someone happens to tell me their issues/secrets I'll listen give a little advice or consoling without giving mine or my expressed opinion on the matter. It seems to be working for now. A few times people have come to me saying this about someone and that about someone. I simply listen and give a neutral opinion/advice on the matter and move on.
I was actually proud of myself the other day when Ms. S asked me if Ms. Ma drove me crazy. of course a red flag went up and I was on the caution alert n my mind. I said "well she's so thorough with everything, and I'm so laid back 'like whatever', so I probably drive her crazy. haha. Why does she drive you crazy?" and she told me the few issues she has with Ms. Ma. I was like score! I turned that right around! And vowed to myself not to repeat what Ms. S had told me to anyone else in the work place about Ms. Ma.
Well, I'm just taking it day by day and seeing how things go. I actually do like the job, but somedays you feel like you just took 5 steps back with the kids. You gain progress in getting them to listen and then 2 days later they're testing you again. Another issue is the boss lady. She's so unorganized and that's the only person I find I need to bite my tongue from saying something bad about her and her lack of organizational skills and absent-mindedness. I try to go with it and ask Ms. M, who's been there the longest (6 years), what's going on or what I need to do. At first she was a little intimidating and I thought she hated me but she came around and she's actually pretty cool. I feel a lot more comfortable when she's around.
I just have to keep telling myself that this job looks good on a resume and it's money. But at the same time I'm not learning what I had hoped to learn from Ms. I or the others. They all seem so nonchalant about their jobs like it's simply a job. Maybe it's because they've been there for so long and it's just mundane day after day some 'ol boredom or they really don't care. But either way I hope I don't get that way. I want to engage with the kids, provide a place for them to excel and learn useful information such as respect, politeness, manners...needed information that isn't really pushed to the head of the list. There's a lot o inconsistencies with todays education providers and day care centers, but hopefully it's still a way to get my foot in the door...
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Salt Mines...
So I've been working for about 3 weeks (i think) now. Last week was Spring Break for the kids so that meant ALL DAY with them! At first I thought it was going to be absolute hell, but actually it wasn't too bad. I mean I'm alive talking, so that should count for something. But what mostly go me through the day was Ms. M and Ms. J. They were so much much help. Well I was pretty much with them, our groups were joined, and we worked together with whatever we were doing. Mr. T (hehe) wasn't there that much for whatever reason, but it was cool. It seemed to work with just us girls. I mean don't get me wrong there were times when I just wanted to strangle some kids. I told Ms. M "some are these kids are going to put me in prison!" I tried to keep my cool and have fun with them. It went ok, like a gravel road. You know a big bumps and divots, but a lot of annoying little bumps everywhere. But it wasn't like a downhill run where you got huge boulders, rock gardens, doubles, switchbacks, and huge creek-crossing jumps to maneuver down. * If you know mountain biking you know what I mean* Well point is I managed through it, I feel like I learned a lot more; mostly on how to interact with the kids without yelling as much (my voice was almost gone on the first day), and getting their attention without shouting...and keeping it! The latter is the hardest for some reason. I think it's because I'm so soft spoken, and I tend to be a push over : (
I feel like I'm starting to win over some of the kids though. I'm working on this one kid that has ADHD. OMG he can be a handful! I'll call him "A". I'm not even sure where to begin to describe this child. But he's unruly to begin with. For the most part he does what he wants to do. But lately he seems to listen. The thing with him is that you don't notice when he's listening, but you surely notice when he isn't. If he doesn't get his way he throws a tantrum, everybody laughs (which makes it worse) and he starts getting loud and mad. As much as he gives me a headache, and he's probably the first child that would send me to jail, I actually kind of like the kid. I've seen him at what I hope is his worse, but I've also seen him at his best (he may be better...I hope that too). And he's bright, he's smart. Just unruly. I look at him and I interpret a child of divorced parents, lives with mom that probably works a lot, no other siblings. Mom may or may not have an addiction (alcohol mostly). She's probably more "scientific" and blames A's behavior pretty much all on his ADHD. However I see some of it coming from being spoiled. I see the mom not really knowing what to do with his condition trying everything and then finally throwing up her hands, and feeling sorry for the child, not knowing what to do tries to make up for it by spoiling him, or more or less letting him have his way. Though I do see her as a disciplinary (may or may not hit him) but whatever it is, it's strict; because if you threaten with a call to his mom he straightens right up. But I don't want that to be the way to handle him. You can't threaten a child to be good, I mean you can but if you start threatening with a call home I think it may make home situations worse.I would like for the child to make it's own decisions and learn the consequences. Time out doesn't seem to do much. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.
The child does have immense anger issues though, which is why I feel he may have disciplinary issues with his mom, and/or the mom is an addict of some sort. One day while trying to gather the kids up to go inside, A went to get a drink. I was already pushed to the brink with the constant "Ms. O! Ms. O! She did this! He did that! Hey look at me!" And the last thing I wanted was another episode from an unruly kid. But A never lets me down. He was getting a drink along with half our kids and a few other members who were playing racquet ball. A was hogging the fountain and wouldn't let anyone else drink. The man waiting to get a drink was getting annoyed and tried to politely move A out of the way, that made him agitated and he kept horsing around. I said "A get down and get in line" in a stern tone "No!" with a smirk and took another sip. "A! Get down right now and get in line or give me 3!" Louder this time. The response was another smile of you can't hit me haha! Now I was yelling "A! Get down! That's it you have 6 minutes timeout! GET DOWN!!!...WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! GET DOWN!" As soon as i said it I stopped and was like Oh Shit I did not just say that. I looked at his face and he had the worst face I have put on a child. I vowed to never say anything like that to a child and yet here I am pretty much calling a kid a piece of pooh. He just looked at me like you bitch! I figured he hears that a lot at home and that could be why he has anger. He does get really testy when other kids get in his face calling him a loser. It seems to bother him the most, and I acted just like one of those other kids. I was thinking Shit what do I say? I can't apologize because then he'll be in control and I'm already out of control. But I want him to know I didn't mean that. Shit, I'm a dumbass. If he kicks me I deserve it.
Finally one of the other counselors threaten with the mom call and he got down throwing a tantrum. She talked to him, he was mad and pouty but it worked.
From that day on I told myself not to lose my temper like that again. I felt so bad. So I propose a different strategy when dealing with him. Something other than yelling. The next day he was testing my patience again. This time we were watching a movie indoors. A would not shut up, everything little thing and there was a comment out of his mouth for everyone to hear. Would not listen, would not follow directions, throwing fits, so finally I said, "A we're going outside." I took out in the hall way. I sat down was like, "Come here buddy, sit down" patting the floor next to me "So what's up? Why are you giving me such a hard time?" "I donno, I hate that movie" "Yeah but other people are trying to watch" "So..." "So it's rude to talk. Can you sit there and just not say anything and let other people watch." "It's too hard." "What's too hard? Why are you being difficult" "It's hard, it's my medication. I hate it. I got switched again." "Aw, I know buddy I hate taking medicine too, but I got to. But you think we can be buds from now on. And you can start listening to me and I'll start listening to you if you have a problem?" "Yeah I guess." "Really? Cause that's be cool." "Yeah" "Ok, so we're gonna be buds and I'll help ya out when people make you mad, but you got to help me out and start listening to me. ok" "I guess" He sat there so polite and listened, and I thought Yes I got through! I'm in! Sweet! I felt so...I don't even know. Like a hero, or a savior...no never mind not to compare myself to Jesus or Abraham Lincoln (hero), but I felt pretty good about myself. Mostly for the fact that I hope I really helped this kid, I hope I made him feel like he had a true friend in the whole crazy freakin world. Things at home seemed to suck, school probably sucks for him because the kids can't handle him, nor the teacher. The Y, everyone can't stand him, but I hope I made him feel like he had a buddy to depend on.
The next day we were out at a park hanging out and he was causing a little trouble. One of the other counselors gave him 3 minutes time out. I was standing next to him and he was talking back to the counselor. I said "A! You're going to get more if you don't stop." Then the next thing he said caught me way off guard "Well will you sit here with me? I want you to sit with me." "Yeah bud I'll sit with ya, but you gotta be good ok?" "Yeah" So we sat and chit chatted. When we were done we were lining up to go back to the Y. A was a little hesitant to get in line, "A will you get in line please?" "No I wanna stand next to you." My hear smiled, I was ecstatic inside. "yeah you can stand next to me as long as you're in line" "Ok." Cha-ching! Yes! I've done it once again! Man I was so proud. But I still kept the thought in the back of my mind that kids are unpredictable, they change friends with each other like every 5 minutes, and they would do the exact same thing with me; so I have to always be on my game and not think that I got through to him one day, but that doesn't mean I got him around my finger every day. I mean, he could turn around and hate me the next day.
Well anyway, lately he seems to doing pretty descent, at least for him. So I'm going to try and work with him as much as I can. I don't want to over do it with the "talking" thing, but I really want him to get to the point where when he feels angry that before he starts hitting people he needs to walk away. I think that's the main thing. Maybe work on the other stuff like being nice and polite to others next. I have noticed though that he doesn't really seek out approval from anybody especially adults. Where pretty much all of the kids seek out some sort of approval either from each other or from us (the counselors), A doesn't. It's as though he doesn't care what others think, he's going to do what he wants no matter what. This can be good in the future, but it can also be horribly bad; which is what we have seen mostly. This "not-needing" of approval boggles me. I mean why at his age wouldn't you seek out some sort of approval? I've noticed once when he was like "Hey Ms. O look at this!" - I can't remember what "this" was. Bt I've never seen or heard him say that to someone else - counselor or kid. I mean, he may have, but very very seldom I would assume, or from what I have gathered. I wonder if it's because he gets plenty of praise at home, or he doesn't get any at all? I generally thought that children, usually with siblings, that crave approval don't get enough at home as they would like. A is most likely - I'm almost positive - an only child, so maybe he gets loads of approval from his mother...maybe too much.
It's tough because you can only do so much, and you feel you made a break through like with A but then they go home back to where to route cause of the whole problem is and it's like the get "recharged" with the wrong attitude. The exact same thing you were trying to prevent or change.
I don't know, it's challenging and I wish I had more....something to where I can really help them. I feel like I'm still in the learning stage and not quite there yet to do what I want to do with them. Plus I'm still in the gray as far as what i can do with them. Mr. T (hehe) pretty much calls the shots as far as what we're doing, where we're going how things are done. Which is fine with me until I can get a hang on things. Plus he's great to have around for disciplining. The kids respond to him, but Ms. I says it's out of fear mostly which is what she's trying to get away from. Well, for now we may be a good match. Good cop bad cop kind of thing. But I don't want to annoy him with my lackadaisicalness. Which I'm sure has. I try to pass out the timeouts, but I'm such a push over. I feel bad for them, but I should remember I'm not here to make friends with the kids, I'm here to make sure they're organized and safe and doing what they're suppose to be doing (what their parents paid us to do with them).
Point is I'm actually starting to like the kids, it's not too bad, and I actually don't hate going to work. Most importantly i feel like I'm learning valuable skills for what I want to do in the future. Like this is really going to help me. Well at least I hope it does. Fingers crossed.Anyway, just a thought, something I'll keep track of until I figure out as much as I can....I know I'm a nerd, but the lives of children and how they end up interests me. What can I say?
I feel like I'm starting to win over some of the kids though. I'm working on this one kid that has ADHD. OMG he can be a handful! I'll call him "A". I'm not even sure where to begin to describe this child. But he's unruly to begin with. For the most part he does what he wants to do. But lately he seems to listen. The thing with him is that you don't notice when he's listening, but you surely notice when he isn't. If he doesn't get his way he throws a tantrum, everybody laughs (which makes it worse) and he starts getting loud and mad. As much as he gives me a headache, and he's probably the first child that would send me to jail, I actually kind of like the kid. I've seen him at what I hope is his worse, but I've also seen him at his best (he may be better...I hope that too). And he's bright, he's smart. Just unruly. I look at him and I interpret a child of divorced parents, lives with mom that probably works a lot, no other siblings. Mom may or may not have an addiction (alcohol mostly). She's probably more "scientific" and blames A's behavior pretty much all on his ADHD. However I see some of it coming from being spoiled. I see the mom not really knowing what to do with his condition trying everything and then finally throwing up her hands, and feeling sorry for the child, not knowing what to do tries to make up for it by spoiling him, or more or less letting him have his way. Though I do see her as a disciplinary (may or may not hit him) but whatever it is, it's strict; because if you threaten with a call to his mom he straightens right up. But I don't want that to be the way to handle him. You can't threaten a child to be good, I mean you can but if you start threatening with a call home I think it may make home situations worse.I would like for the child to make it's own decisions and learn the consequences. Time out doesn't seem to do much. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.
The child does have immense anger issues though, which is why I feel he may have disciplinary issues with his mom, and/or the mom is an addict of some sort. One day while trying to gather the kids up to go inside, A went to get a drink. I was already pushed to the brink with the constant "Ms. O! Ms. O! She did this! He did that! Hey look at me!" And the last thing I wanted was another episode from an unruly kid. But A never lets me down. He was getting a drink along with half our kids and a few other members who were playing racquet ball. A was hogging the fountain and wouldn't let anyone else drink. The man waiting to get a drink was getting annoyed and tried to politely move A out of the way, that made him agitated and he kept horsing around. I said "A get down and get in line" in a stern tone "No!" with a smirk and took another sip. "A! Get down right now and get in line or give me 3!" Louder this time. The response was another smile of you can't hit me haha! Now I was yelling "A! Get down! That's it you have 6 minutes timeout! GET DOWN!!!...WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! GET DOWN!" As soon as i said it I stopped and was like Oh Shit I did not just say that. I looked at his face and he had the worst face I have put on a child. I vowed to never say anything like that to a child and yet here I am pretty much calling a kid a piece of pooh. He just looked at me like you bitch! I figured he hears that a lot at home and that could be why he has anger. He does get really testy when other kids get in his face calling him a loser. It seems to bother him the most, and I acted just like one of those other kids. I was thinking Shit what do I say? I can't apologize because then he'll be in control and I'm already out of control. But I want him to know I didn't mean that. Shit, I'm a dumbass. If he kicks me I deserve it.
Finally one of the other counselors threaten with the mom call and he got down throwing a tantrum. She talked to him, he was mad and pouty but it worked.
From that day on I told myself not to lose my temper like that again. I felt so bad. So I propose a different strategy when dealing with him. Something other than yelling. The next day he was testing my patience again. This time we were watching a movie indoors. A would not shut up, everything little thing and there was a comment out of his mouth for everyone to hear. Would not listen, would not follow directions, throwing fits, so finally I said, "A we're going outside." I took out in the hall way. I sat down was like, "Come here buddy, sit down" patting the floor next to me "So what's up? Why are you giving me such a hard time?" "I donno, I hate that movie" "Yeah but other people are trying to watch" "So..." "So it's rude to talk. Can you sit there and just not say anything and let other people watch." "It's too hard." "What's too hard? Why are you being difficult" "It's hard, it's my medication. I hate it. I got switched again." "Aw, I know buddy I hate taking medicine too, but I got to. But you think we can be buds from now on. And you can start listening to me and I'll start listening to you if you have a problem?" "Yeah I guess." "Really? Cause that's be cool." "Yeah" "Ok, so we're gonna be buds and I'll help ya out when people make you mad, but you got to help me out and start listening to me. ok" "I guess" He sat there so polite and listened, and I thought Yes I got through! I'm in! Sweet! I felt so...I don't even know. Like a hero, or a savior...no never mind not to compare myself to Jesus or Abraham Lincoln (hero), but I felt pretty good about myself. Mostly for the fact that I hope I really helped this kid, I hope I made him feel like he had a true friend in the whole crazy freakin world. Things at home seemed to suck, school probably sucks for him because the kids can't handle him, nor the teacher. The Y, everyone can't stand him, but I hope I made him feel like he had a buddy to depend on.
The next day we were out at a park hanging out and he was causing a little trouble. One of the other counselors gave him 3 minutes time out. I was standing next to him and he was talking back to the counselor. I said "A! You're going to get more if you don't stop." Then the next thing he said caught me way off guard "Well will you sit here with me? I want you to sit with me." "Yeah bud I'll sit with ya, but you gotta be good ok?" "Yeah" So we sat and chit chatted. When we were done we were lining up to go back to the Y. A was a little hesitant to get in line, "A will you get in line please?" "No I wanna stand next to you." My hear smiled, I was ecstatic inside. "yeah you can stand next to me as long as you're in line" "Ok." Cha-ching! Yes! I've done it once again! Man I was so proud. But I still kept the thought in the back of my mind that kids are unpredictable, they change friends with each other like every 5 minutes, and they would do the exact same thing with me; so I have to always be on my game and not think that I got through to him one day, but that doesn't mean I got him around my finger every day. I mean, he could turn around and hate me the next day.
Well anyway, lately he seems to doing pretty descent, at least for him. So I'm going to try and work with him as much as I can. I don't want to over do it with the "talking" thing, but I really want him to get to the point where when he feels angry that before he starts hitting people he needs to walk away. I think that's the main thing. Maybe work on the other stuff like being nice and polite to others next. I have noticed though that he doesn't really seek out approval from anybody especially adults. Where pretty much all of the kids seek out some sort of approval either from each other or from us (the counselors), A doesn't. It's as though he doesn't care what others think, he's going to do what he wants no matter what. This can be good in the future, but it can also be horribly bad; which is what we have seen mostly. This "not-needing" of approval boggles me. I mean why at his age wouldn't you seek out some sort of approval? I've noticed once when he was like "Hey Ms. O look at this!" - I can't remember what "this" was. Bt I've never seen or heard him say that to someone else - counselor or kid. I mean, he may have, but very very seldom I would assume, or from what I have gathered. I wonder if it's because he gets plenty of praise at home, or he doesn't get any at all? I generally thought that children, usually with siblings, that crave approval don't get enough at home as they would like. A is most likely - I'm almost positive - an only child, so maybe he gets loads of approval from his mother...maybe too much.
It's tough because you can only do so much, and you feel you made a break through like with A but then they go home back to where to route cause of the whole problem is and it's like the get "recharged" with the wrong attitude. The exact same thing you were trying to prevent or change.
I don't know, it's challenging and I wish I had more....something to where I can really help them. I feel like I'm still in the learning stage and not quite there yet to do what I want to do with them. Plus I'm still in the gray as far as what i can do with them. Mr. T (hehe) pretty much calls the shots as far as what we're doing, where we're going how things are done. Which is fine with me until I can get a hang on things. Plus he's great to have around for disciplining. The kids respond to him, but Ms. I says it's out of fear mostly which is what she's trying to get away from. Well, for now we may be a good match. Good cop bad cop kind of thing. But I don't want to annoy him with my lackadaisicalness. Which I'm sure has. I try to pass out the timeouts, but I'm such a push over. I feel bad for them, but I should remember I'm not here to make friends with the kids, I'm here to make sure they're organized and safe and doing what they're suppose to be doing (what their parents paid us to do with them).
Point is I'm actually starting to like the kids, it's not too bad, and I actually don't hate going to work. Most importantly i feel like I'm learning valuable skills for what I want to do in the future. Like this is really going to help me. Well at least I hope it does. Fingers crossed.Anyway, just a thought, something I'll keep track of until I figure out as much as I can....I know I'm a nerd, but the lives of children and how they end up interests me. What can I say?
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