Salt Mines...

So I've been working for about 3 weeks (i think) now. Last week was Spring Break for the kids so that meant ALL DAY with them! At first I thought it was going to be absolute hell, but actually it wasn't too bad. I mean I'm alive talking, so that should count for something. But what mostly go me through the day was Ms. M and Ms. J. They were so much much help. Well I was pretty much with them, our groups were joined, and we worked together with whatever we were doing. Mr. T (hehe) wasn't there that much for whatever reason, but it was cool. It seemed to work with just us girls. I mean don't get me wrong there were times when I just wanted to strangle some kids. I told Ms. M "some are these kids are going to put me in prison!" I tried to keep my cool and have fun with them. It went ok, like a gravel road. You know a big bumps and divots, but a lot of annoying little bumps everywhere. But it wasn't like a downhill run where you got huge boulders, rock gardens, doubles, switchbacks, and huge creek-crossing jumps to maneuver down. * If you know mountain biking you know what I mean* Well point is I managed through it, I feel like I learned a lot more; mostly on how to interact with the kids without yelling as much (my voice was almost gone on the first day), and getting their attention without shouting...and keeping it! The latter is the hardest for some reason. I think it's because I'm so soft spoken, and I tend to be a push over : (
I feel like I'm starting to win over some of the kids though. I'm working on this one kid that has ADHD. OMG he can be a handful! I'll call him "A". I'm not even sure where to begin to describe this child. But he's unruly to begin with. For the most part he does what he wants to do. But lately he seems to listen. The thing with him is that you don't notice when he's listening, but you surely notice when he isn't. If he doesn't get his way he throws a tantrum, everybody laughs (which makes it worse) and he starts getting loud and mad. As much as he gives me a headache, and he's probably the first child that would send me to jail, I actually kind of like the kid. I've seen him at what I hope is his worse, but I've also seen him at his best (he may be better...I hope that too). And he's bright, he's smart. Just unruly. I look at him and I interpret a child of divorced parents, lives with mom that probably works a lot, no other siblings. Mom may or may not have an addiction (alcohol mostly). She's probably more "scientific" and blames A's behavior pretty much all on his ADHD. However I see some of it coming from being spoiled. I see the mom not really knowing what to do with his condition trying everything and then finally throwing up her hands, and feeling sorry for the child, not knowing what to do tries to make up for it by spoiling him, or more or less letting him have his way. Though I do see her as a disciplinary (may or may not hit him) but whatever it is, it's strict; because if you threaten with a call to his mom he straightens right up. But I don't want that to be the way to handle him. You can't threaten a child to be good, I mean you can but if you start threatening with a call home I think it may make home situations worse.I would like for the child to make it's own decisions and learn the consequences. Time out doesn't seem to do much. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.
The child does have immense anger issues though, which is why I feel he may have disciplinary issues with his mom, and/or the mom is an addict of some sort. One day while trying to gather the kids up to go inside, A went to get a drink. I was already pushed to the brink with the constant "Ms. O! Ms. O! She did this! He did that! Hey look at me!" And the last thing I wanted was another episode from an unruly kid. But A never lets me down. He was getting a drink along with half our kids and a few other members who were playing racquet ball. A was hogging the fountain and wouldn't let anyone else drink. The man waiting to get a drink was getting annoyed and tried to politely move A out of the way, that made him agitated and he kept horsing around. I said "A get down and get in line" in a stern tone "No!" with a smirk and took another sip. "A! Get down right now and get in line or give me 3!" Louder this time. The response was another smile of you can't hit me haha! Now I was yelling "A! Get down! That's it you have 6 minutes timeout! GET DOWN!!!...WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! GET DOWN!" As soon as i said it I stopped and was like Oh Shit I did not just say that. I looked at his face and he had the worst face I have put on a child. I vowed to never say anything like that to a child and yet here I am pretty much calling a kid a piece of pooh. He just looked at me like you bitch! I figured he hears that a lot at home and that could be why he has anger. He does get really testy when other kids get in his face calling him a loser. It seems to bother him the most, and I acted just like one of those other kids. I was thinking Shit what do I say? I can't apologize because then he'll be in control and I'm already out of control. But I want him to know I didn't mean that. Shit, I'm a dumbass. If he kicks me I deserve it.
Finally one of the other counselors threaten with the mom call and he got down throwing a tantrum. She talked to him, he was mad and pouty but it worked.
From that day on I told myself not to lose my temper like that again. I felt so bad. So I propose a different strategy when dealing with him. Something other than yelling. The next day he was testing my patience again. This time we were watching a movie indoors. A would not shut up, everything little thing and there was a comment out of his mouth for everyone to hear. Would not listen, would not follow directions, throwing fits, so finally I said, "A we're going outside." I took out in the hall way. I sat down was like, "Come here buddy, sit down" patting the floor next to me "So what's up? Why are you giving me such a hard time?" "I donno, I hate that movie" "Yeah but other people are trying to watch" "So..." "So it's rude to talk. Can you sit there and just not say anything and let other people watch." "It's too hard." "What's too hard? Why are you being difficult" "It's hard, it's my medication. I hate it. I got switched again." "Aw, I know buddy I hate taking medicine too, but I got to. But you think we can be buds from now on. And you can start listening to me and I'll start listening to you if you have a problem?" "Yeah I guess." "Really? Cause that's be cool." "Yeah" "Ok, so we're gonna be buds and I'll help ya out when people make you mad, but you got to help me out and start listening to me. ok" "I guess" He sat there so polite and listened, and I thought Yes I got through! I'm in! Sweet! I felt so...I don't even know. Like a hero, or a savior...no never mind not to compare myself to Jesus or Abraham Lincoln (hero), but I felt pretty good about myself. Mostly for the fact that I hope I really helped this kid, I hope I made him feel like he had a true friend in the whole crazy freakin world. Things at home seemed to suck, school probably sucks for him because the kids can't handle him, nor the teacher. The Y, everyone can't stand him, but I hope I made him feel like he had a buddy to depend on.
The next day we were out at a park hanging out and he was causing a little trouble. One of the other counselors gave him 3 minutes time out. I was standing next to him and he was talking back to the counselor. I said "A! You're going to get more if you don't stop." Then the next thing he said caught me way off guard "Well will you sit here with me? I want you to sit with me." "Yeah bud I'll sit with ya, but you gotta be good ok?" "Yeah" So we sat and chit chatted. When we were done we were lining up to go back to the Y. A was a little hesitant to get in line, "A will you get in line please?" "No I wanna stand next to you." My hear smiled, I was ecstatic inside. "yeah you can stand next to me as long as you're in line" "Ok." Cha-ching! Yes! I've done it once again! Man I was so proud. But I still kept the thought in the back of my mind that kids are unpredictable, they change friends with each other like every 5 minutes, and they would do the exact same thing with me; so I have to always be on my game and not think that I got through to him one day, but that doesn't mean I got him around my finger every day. I mean, he could turn around and hate me the next day.
Well anyway, lately he seems to doing pretty descent, at least for him. So I'm going to try and work with him as much as I can. I don't want to over do it with the "talking" thing, but I really want him to get to the point where when he feels angry that before he starts hitting people he needs to walk away. I think that's the main thing. Maybe work on the other stuff like being nice and polite to others next. I have noticed though that he doesn't really seek out approval from anybody especially adults. Where pretty much all of the kids seek out some sort of approval either from each other or from us (the counselors), A doesn't. It's as though he doesn't care what others think, he's going to do what he wants no matter what. This can be good in the future, but it can also be horribly bad; which is what we have seen mostly. This "not-needing" of approval boggles me. I mean why at his age wouldn't you seek out some sort of approval? I've noticed once when he was like "Hey Ms. O look at this!" - I can't remember what "this" was. Bt I've never seen or heard him say that to someone else - counselor or kid. I mean, he may have, but very very seldom I would assume, or from what I have gathered. I wonder if it's because he gets plenty of praise at home, or he doesn't get any at all? I generally thought that children, usually with siblings, that crave approval don't get enough at home as they would like. A is most likely - I'm almost positive - an only child, so maybe he gets loads of approval from his mother...maybe too much.
It's tough because you can only do so much, and you feel you made a break through like with A but then they go home back to where to route cause of the whole problem is and it's like the get "recharged" with the wrong attitude. The exact same thing you were trying to prevent or change.
I don't know, it's challenging and I wish I had more....something to where I can really help them. I feel like I'm still in the learning stage and not quite there yet to do what I want to do with them. Plus I'm still in the gray as far as what i can do with them. Mr. T (hehe) pretty much calls the shots as far as what we're doing, where we're going how things are done. Which is fine with me until I can get a hang on things. Plus he's great to have around for disciplining. The kids respond to him, but Ms. I says it's out of fear mostly which is what she's trying to get away from. Well, for now we may be a good match. Good cop bad cop kind of thing. But I don't want to annoy him with my lackadaisicalness. Which I'm sure has. I try to pass out the timeouts, but I'm such a push over. I feel bad for them, but I should remember I'm not here to make friends with the kids, I'm here to make sure they're organized and safe and doing what they're suppose to be doing (what their parents paid us to do with them).
Point is I'm actually starting to like the kids, it's not too bad, and I actually don't hate going to work. Most importantly i feel like I'm learning valuable skills for what I want to do in the future. Like this is really going to help me. Well at least I hope it does. Fingers crossed.Anyway, just a thought, something I'll keep track of until I figure out as much as I can....I know I'm a nerd, but the lives of children and how they end up interests me. What can I say?