Salt Mines...

The mines seem to ease and the put the pressure back on. Yesterday apparently I was suppose to be there an hour early because of this new 'early release' the schools are doing for the teachers. I didn't realize it was every Wednesday so I was running late. But after I got there, there were apologies from Ms. M about forgetting to let me know. I didn't really care honestly I was just worried I was going to be on the boss's bad side, but things seem to be fine...in that area.
The kids are so...temperamental? They love you one day and then defy your very existence the next. It drives me crazy how inconsistent they are with their feeling and attitudes and behavior in general. Things are starting to get a bit better with the other counselors, though I still feel like I'm walking on eggshells here and there, but now the trick is 'ruling' the kids without being a tyrant. Last week a parent came in complaining about Mr. T being too 'hard' on the kids, constantly yelling and being beyond rude, but mean. I wanted to say, he can be that way but at the same time, have you met your kids?! I ended up not commenting on the matter, because for the most part it wasn't directed towards me and I'm in this mind-set that I'm going to keep my ears out of what's going on, or not necessarily my ears, but my opinions out of the matters of drama in the work place. I think I've learned in the past about getting involved in petty drama, rumors, and work-place 2-facing. But I suppose I'm not going to ignore it if it comes my way...I just vow not to repeat in...in the work place....
However, my questions regarding certain situations are beyond my curiosity control and expressions. So last week, I found out that Ms. S, who has emerged to me as the matriarch of the whole group - even the boss, CAN NOT stand Ms. J - who is one of the nicest people there I feel and is really goo with the kids. Ms. S must have had a vendetta get Ms. J because she went to the boss and told her Ms. J was doing terrible with the older kids and that she should be moved to the youngest group of kids. And what else happened, but that exact thing. I've learned this from the newest addition to the team, Ms. Ma, besides me who is in the the same group as Ms. S and is regurgitating the evidence to me about how corrupt this place is. Ms. S is quoted word for word by saying "I have Ms. I wrapped around my finger, and if I don't want to do something or if I don't like something she'll do what I want." So I guess that's what happened with Ms. J, however, my issue with that is that previously I knew that Ms. J was with the older kids and got moved, but the way Ms. J told it to me was that her and Ms. Ma (who worked with her with the older kids at the time) did not get along and that's why she was moved. I didn't ask the details of the situation, except for the obvious undeniable question of 'why didn't you get along?' Ms. J merely shrugged and said "I donno", So I got the feeling that Ms. Ma had the 'problem' with Ms. J and not the other way around. But after speaking with Ms. Ma, she seems have no such issue with Ms. J and that it appears that either Ms. I didn't have the back bone to tell Ms. J the truth, hinting at the fact that she (Ms. I) doesn't really believe that Ms. J was doing a horrible job with the older kids and came up with the "next best" excuse of Ms. Ma not getting along with Ms. J. Or it could be the fact that they really didn't get along and Ms. Ma was trying to pin me against others and team with her. Point is though, from the beginning of when I worked there and Ms. Ma warned me of the 2-facing going on within the team, and she's right. I've heard it from almost everybody talking bad about somebody else. But for now I'm comfortable with the situation I've put myself in. I keep to myself for the most part not indulging in the chit chat gossip that goes on. If someone happens to tell me their issues/secrets I'll listen give a little advice or consoling without giving mine or my expressed opinion on the matter. It seems to be working for now. A few times people have come to me saying this about someone and that about someone. I simply listen and give a neutral opinion/advice on the matter and move on.
I was actually proud of myself the other day when Ms. S asked me if Ms. Ma drove me crazy. of course a red flag went up and I was on the caution alert n my mind. I said "well she's so thorough with everything, and I'm so laid back 'like whatever', so I probably drive her crazy. haha. Why does she drive you crazy?" and she told me the few issues she has with Ms. Ma. I was like score! I turned that right around! And vowed to myself not to repeat what Ms. S had told me to anyone else in the work place about Ms. Ma.
Well, I'm just taking it day by day and seeing how things go. I actually do like the job, but somedays you feel like you just took 5 steps back with the kids. You gain progress in getting them to listen and then 2 days later they're testing you again. Another issue is the boss lady. She's so unorganized and that's the only person I find I need to bite my tongue from saying something bad about her and her lack of organizational skills and absent-mindedness. I try to go with it and ask Ms. M, who's been there the longest (6 years), what's going on or what I need to do. At first she was a little intimidating and I thought she hated me but she came around and she's actually pretty cool. I feel a lot more comfortable when she's around.
I just have to keep telling myself that this job looks good on a resume and it's money. But at the same time I'm not learning what I had hoped to learn from Ms. I or the others. They all seem so nonchalant about their jobs like it's simply a job. Maybe it's because they've been there for so long and it's just mundane day after day some 'ol boredom or they really don't care. But either way I hope I don't get that way. I want to engage with the kids, provide a place for them to excel and learn useful information such as respect, politeness, manners...needed information that isn't really pushed to the head of the list. There's a lot o inconsistencies with todays education providers and day care centers, but hopefully it's still a way to get my foot in the door...