Back again with some more thought on the whole disciplining unruly children without doing this, without doing that...I was looking up online articles on how to discipline a children, er children, a group of children without yelling at them, or shaming them, or all that crap. Which truly does hurt them in the end. I looked at classroom setting examples and they all say the same thing pretty much. To get their attention clap or play a game, to get them to listen, whisper, a hand motion to get their attention. Stuff like that. For one thing when you have kids running around in a huge gym screaming at each other, I'm not gong to freaking walkup to each one whispering "hey will you go line up?" NO I'm gonna freakin yell "LINE UP!" The thing is I cannot find anything on dealing with children in after-school/day-care situations. No. 2: It's so fast paced constant going from here to their with other people's kids with you (I still don't know who's in my group and who isn't). I mean really how the hell do you do this?! T is a yeller, he rules by fear and he seems to like it and thinks that's the way to do it. Which is very tempting, but I don't want these kids to be afraid especially of me. Already today, one kid started to come running to me to say something then turned 90 degrees and ran to T. It kind of hurt, and I want the kids to like me, to respect me and to more importantly listen to me without me having to yell and shame them. It's hard to discipline one child too when you have 20 others yelling at you "hey look at me!" or "he did this/she did that"
I mean how do you try to do things the way you learned was "safe" or "best" for children when the kids are used to a totally different form of discipline, not to mention their own parents. I am not that child's parent so do I just bite my lip until they go home and hope for the best? Do i give in and yell and shame the kids to get them to obey like the rest of the counselors? Or do I continue to do it my way, let them do it their way and struggle with all this grief, not to mention confusing the hell out of the children, and only hurting them more really in the long run? Ugh, this is too much. I've never quit anything in my life and I DO NOT want to quit this job for the simple reason of "I don't think I can do it" but this is probably the hardest job I have ever had by far. I wonder if they're like this at school and if so how the hell do these teachers deal with them in this state of mind? This is just so much to take in at once, and I would imagine it only gets worse. I think what I really wish is that my co-workers/counselors were a bit more supportive. Or more I wish I was less anxiety filled is social situations.
I really do like children and people and I want to help them with their psychological struggles, helping the best I can with their situations and overall life, but the truth is I am absolutely terrified of kids and people in general. How the hell am I suppose to help people if I'm terrified of them? I guess if I had more self confidence in myself that I know what I'm doing or I know I can do this, but right now, I'm in a constant state of mind of I am in way over my head. I don't know what I'm doing. I suck at this job. I suck at life. If there is anyone out there reading this at all, please PLEASE give me some hope. That would be really really nice to have right now.
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